WEEKLY STORY! September 10-16, 2025

Paper Towel

Only fools used tissues as paper towels, at least that's what Corbin used to think. Corbin went to Fool's Gold Elementary through High School, in the middle of nowhere in the Pacific Ocean underground. His education was, let's just say for lack of better words, awfully terrible. Of course though, awfully terrible is being used in a good sense, as it is a synonym to awesomely terrific.

Corbin was smart, but didn't like school a whole lot. His least favorite class was undoubtedly Methods to a Successful Scuba Diving Career. It was his least favorite because it involved water. He was allergic to water. WAIT, you might be wondering, "I thought humans were 75% water?" Corbin was no human. He was a statue in the middle of the school campus.

Corbin, a living bronze statue, had a water allergy. It always made him green and oxidized, which he wasn't too fond of. Corbin stared at everyone all the time, and shockingly, wore no clothes. He was a clothless statue, but luckily a pile of clams blocked his suspicious areas.

On this day, September 10th, 2025, Corbin decided he wanted to make a threat to his entire school. He threatened to remove the clams. That pretty much brings us to now, when he decided to kill people too.

A horde of people started throwing junk at Corbin as he strangled kids with his strong bronze arms, and security officers shot at the statue, only to find that their bullets ricocheted. Corbin, after killing a couple thousand Fool's Gold students, stood at the top of the Auditorium and shooted loud words.

"I now, shall remove my clams!"

Everyone started screaming and crying, "NOT THE CLAMS!!!" and "I HATE CLAMS!!!" It was no match for Corbin's strong bronze arms. He pulled the clams off, but before anyone saw, he tipped over and died and turned into a melted puddle, and from that puddle emerged the resurrected bodies of everyone Corbin killed. Everyone forgot about the incident. It turned out to be an uneventful day.

The only remnant of Corbin was the melted pile of bronze left on the Auditorium, which proved to be very annoying for the kids in 5th grade doing their poorly planned and poorly performed Peter Pan play. It turns out puddle of bronze are annoying. The kids had to get down on the ground, get grimy, and wipe the bronze while it was still wet with paper towels, which all combusted immediately after touching the very hot molten bronze.

THANKFULLY, NOT TO BE CONTINUED!